He Made

 

I told my parents that
I want to give up on life.

That, there is nothing more for me to do
than to wander somewhere else
and die.

    Oh why do I have to break their hearts?


My brother called me on the weekday
inside prison.

He told me to keep my head up
because

Most things that I have now
are not even broken.

I'm just tired of this worry,
you know.

Stressing all day if I need this
perplexing over sickness
concerning work and money.

I told him I just finished
about six months of this insanity.

Isnt it about time that I woke up
and notice the dust of my skin
fading like the afternoon.

I said:
man, am I tired of repeating conversations
being in the center of every excuse
living only for the weekend.

Rather I become complete
without any part of myself holding on
to bills, and things of chains.

Rather I be free
of any earthly sentiment including
the delusion that one day Ill find peace.

There is no peace without God
and
all along
there has been no sign of God because
all along
I have shut my eyes and ears to faith
thinking
happiness is something I create.

The Lord rebukes me saying
his dying grace is mine
the moment I was made.

So concerning the world
and all those in hatred loathing on me,
how ironic would it be
to watch me smile and laugh and still give praise

 for every single thing.

-Villanueva

08.20.20