Only Never

We can falsify our laughter
and have brief peace temporarily,

But I would rather have true laughter
and have peace that is harmonious.

I find the most common table is laughter
and even then its veiled by underlining daggers
of sharp tongues that root from thorn hearts
if you listen close enough.

How a person carries, how they joke and respect others.

How they live on with their anger, either like a candle or a furnace.

You can listen to the vibe they leave you
in the air, so hard to breathe and unwind.

You can tell by the way they view others,
either like a pretend realist that excuses them to be so cynical.

Or like a patient optimist, always willing to empathize with others.

Mostly how they mock and like to smear at others, how they disdain being humble.

How they love to live in hateful attitudes
and only hyperbolize the mineute details.

That's the thorn inside their heart unwavered
maybe they will realize, maybe only never.

Grateful Mothers

 

My mother always smothered me
with kind words, warm hugs, and long
days worrying over my health

even as an adult
becoming colder and more distant
always disliking being bothered
about every little advice
that she pushed into my growing
aging ego

I was never the grateful child
as my father once told me
and in truth, I hate to be reminded
that I barely give my gratitude
so openly like others.

I was always bitter as an adult
always wanting to do things my way.

I told everyone that true love is never
mentioned, it's a feeling, so don't
knock it

don't be asking me to say things
like "i love you" out-loud

if you can't see love,
then it's better not to fake love

not to always say the obvious, like
thank you for holding the door for me
always.

And yet, this morning my own dog turned
ten years since I met her as a newborn.

And yet,
I can't help but smother her like I did
then
like I see her, always.

Isn't this ironic

that I hate my mother
for doing exactly what I do now
loving, my own dog when I see her aging
grey fur,
all I see is the little cute old baby
that I held up in my arms once.

03.27.24